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I was heading down to rehearse for a queer, independent film I was acting in at the time. I didn\u2019t have a car, so I was catching a bus to the train station. It was cold & rainy out, so I put on my big blue coat & headed out on foot.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As I approached the busy intersection, I could see the bus down the road. I looked both ways & stepped into the street to cross the road. Instantly, the visual I had on the bus was gone. I could not make sense of what I was seeing\u2026 it was a jumbled up mess. Then I realized- I\u2019m being hit by a car. Then silence; then, darkness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The next thing I remember is opening my eyes & seeing the sideways view of traffic lights in the intersection cycling from green, to yellow, to red. I was laying on my side, in a puddle, in the middle of the road. More specifically, the left hand turning lane in a puddle in the middle of a six lane intercity highway.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019ve been hit by a car,\u201d I thought. Then the pain came; deep, sharp pain on the right side of my neck & shoulder. \u201cMy neck is broken.\u201d The pain was so severe & so acutely located, I knew immediately it was broken. I knew I shouldn\u2019t move because my spinal cord could become severed; or maybe it already was? I tried to wiggle my toes- I think they moved? I\u2019m not sure.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As the rain came down, I stared at the traffic light cycling through it\u2019s colors at a steady rate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Green. Yellow. Red.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then I had a bone chilling thought. \u201cIt\u2019s dark & rainy. I\u2019m laying in the middle of Knight Street, the direct route for semi-trucks to pick up goods at the Port of Vancouver, BC. … I might be about to get run over again.\u201d I cringed at the thought.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Green. Yellow. Red.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I knew the only thing I could do was wait for help. I tried to take a deep breath but I couldn\u2019t. I didn\u2019t know it at the time, by sternum had broken & both of my lungs had collapsed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Green Yellow. Red.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Eventually, although I couldn\u2019t move, I sensed that there were people around me; they were trying to figure out if I was still alive. One leaned down close & asked me a question I can\u2019t remember. I tried to speak, but I couldn\u2019t. I couldn\u2019t move my mouth or my tongue to make sounds. I wanted to say, \u201cMy neck is broken, don\u2019t move me!\u201d I knew if they tried to administer CPR, my spinal cord might get severed and there was nothing I could do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Green. Yellow. Red.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The only thing I could do was to try to breathe the best that I could & wait for the paramedics to come & help me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Green. Yellow. Red.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As I laid in a puddle, in the pouring rain, I felt this sense of calm wash over me. Surrendering to the the present moment; to what is. Surrendering to reality of severe trauma and the unknown. Everything I had ever learned in my life about healing, compassion and mindfulness kicked in and I just kept talking my to myself in my head. \u201cAll you can do is wait.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Green. Yellow. Red.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
After what seemed like eternity, the paramedics finally arrived. They asked me where I was injured, and after several attempts, I was able to squeak out a very strained, \u201cMy neck.\u201d After that, things are a bit of a blur. I remember them cutting off all my clothes & their shock when I did not have the body parts they were expecting. But I was starting to loose focus, as the most severe pain I have every experienced in my life was beginning to creep in; & it would get much worse before it got any better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s been a LONGGG road to recovery. Many ups & downs. But the experience of acute physical trauma& living with the chronic pain & disabilities that remain, has forced me get really clear about my priorities; about what I really want in life. I know that when something is extremely challenging for me but I refuse to give up; it means I really want it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That\u2019s how it\u2019s been with goldsmithing. Although I\u2019ve come quite a long way since I started my training back in 2015, it\u2019s still a real challenge for my body somedays. But the thing is, when my pain is bad, most things are a challenge, so why not spend that time doing something I love? It feeds my heart in such a deep and nourishing way, that I keep striving; slow & steady. Little by little, I am learning the ancient ways of my ancestors. I feel them smiling. And the thing is, it\u2019s a path I\u2019m not sure I would have found if I had not almost died 13 years ago.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
This video recounts my healing journey from a serious spinal injury in 2010, to the artist I am today; from breaking my neck & being bed ridden, to becoming a Filipinx goldsmith. Living through such a traumatic accident & the pain that followed, taught me how to surrender to the present moment, how to receive when I could give nothing in return & the importance cultivating of joy<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1276","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-healing"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/samontecruzstudios.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1276","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/samontecruzstudios.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/samontecruzstudios.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samontecruzstudios.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samontecruzstudios.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1276"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/samontecruzstudios.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1276\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/samontecruzstudios.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1276"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samontecruzstudios.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1276"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samontecruzstudios.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1276"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}